contemplate [kon-tuhm-pleyt]

to look at or view with continued attention; observe or study thoughtfully; to consider thoroughly; think fully or deeply about

Synonyms include: consider, deliberate, ruminate

"The closer one gets to realizing his Personal Legend,

the more that Personal Legend becomes his true reason for
being."

~ The Alchemist, Paul Coelho

A couple of weeks ago, after I had arranged (and re-arranged) the boxes and gift bags under our Christmas tree, I stood back to make sure that that corner of the living room was neat and that no gifts were in the way.

"Hmmm," I said to my dad, "why does it look like we bought more gifts this year than last year?"

"I know, huh? Even during the recession? That's good." Dad said.

He walked away and still I stood there. Thank you, God.

My dad's company closed the week before Christmas and the place where he had worked for almost 30 years is now merely a shell of a building bereft of it's loyal tenants. It's loyal tenants are all now without jobs, including my father, who is probably the hardest working man I know. It tore me up when he told me. The first thing I could think of was how much of Dad's life he had dedicated to that place and how, in the last year or so, he had seen foreshadowings of this company's demise. In all that time, though, I never thought it would actually close.

Those gifts under our tree, though, and my dad's reaction, somehow gave me some comfort in the midst of all the worry. My parents have never hidden their worries from me and my sister and now, above all, their concern for how finances (or lack thereof) could affect our household are as obvious as they can be. But the one thing my parents have also never kept hidden is their unfailing faith that God would provide.

That's what I seem to learn each year, in so many different ways, and 2009 was no exception. I try, each time I'm challenged with a confusing or unfavourable situation, to remember a quote from my favorite movie. "When the Lord closes a door, some way He opens a window." I shove those words down my throat every time I feel myself wanting to cry that life dealt me another unfair hand. In the wake of every difficult moment, though, is another that forces you to move on.

Move on to the next project, the next venture, the next opportunity that soul searches are made of. 2009 was full of opportunities, and those I took advantage of, I can say heartily, have given me courage to seek the next. I'm reminded everyday that life is a work in progress. A year ago, I probably wouldn't be okay with admitting that, control freak that I am. But somehow, accepting that my purpose is on a rolling deadline is, well, a relief.

I'm thankful for every moment that I've shared with everyone who I have been fortunate to have in my world (physically or via Facebook and Twitter). I hope 2009 was a good year for all of you reading this, and if it wasn't, I pray that 2010 will bring you new beginnings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS BLITZ!

Today's Reflection forward of the day
(Thanks to my cousin, Aimee!)

Everything we need to deal with life's problems lies within us. Our trials are tests to see if we can discover the solution. Lord, I call out Your name when I face my difficulties and together we will overcome them.

livelihood [lahyv-lee-hood]

a means of supporting one's existence, esp. financially or vocationally

Synonyms include: living, means, sustenance, support

It's unusual that I'd forget something like posting a "Happy Thanksgiving!" greeting on my blog. I've often scheduled posts of that nature days ahead of time so I won't forget, knowing full well that I'm probably the only one who, pardon my language, gives a shit whether or not I did. So you missed writing about ONE holiday, Anna. You've still got Christmas and New Year's, right? But then I came home an hour ago, and as I got ready for bed, running the day's events through my head, I suddenly felt compelled to sit down and type out this random stream of consciousness.

I woke up this morning...I greeted my 83-year old grandmother hello...I had lunch at Yardhouse this afternoon with some of my aunts...I bought a pair of new flats...My 84- year old grandfather and I were joking around as he sped down the 210...Ninang said that Tito Boy was craving ice cream...I went to the garage to get something from my car...Dad brought up a basket of laundry that he had done for me...I chit-chatted with mom about needing a cute sweater to go with my dress...I wrapped some gifts...I went to the ATM to withdraw cash...I edited photos as Tin recounted her day at work...I hugged Jhoette...I ate at a Chinese restaurant with friends...Mary-Clare fell asleep while I was holding her...I took pictures...I patted Iya's tummy and said, "Hello babies!"...I cried a tiny bit with Rochelle...I laughed so hard I started choking...Riann and Joe drove me home...and now I'm blogging.

These are how and why I'm alive; not for or because of huge life-altering milestones, but for the small pockets of time that are inserted so carefully into each of my days that I barely notice them building such a blessed lifetime.

I could go on and on about how thankful I am for my family, my friends, my job and everything I have because of it, but trying to do so would seem futile. I could try to sound clever or poignant, but there are just not enough sentiments in the universe that could describe the gratitude I feel for this life that God decided I get to have. Sometimes I have to ask, "Lord, me? You're letting me have this?" A few moments after, I often feel a warmth in my chest and all I can say or think is...

Thank you.